Meredith Mansfield, Author

I mentioned last time that I had gotten into some unexpected revisions on BLOOD WILL TELL, which I had regarded as complete.  It happened like this:  I had actually gotten a request for a partial on this one, which, unfortunately, ended in another rejection.  But the rejection came with a little hand-written note.  That’s good.  It seems the partial was confusing.  That’s not good.  Ever.

Well, of course, it’s not confusing to me, but I have the whole story and more in my head.  So, I asked the writers at the Hatrack Writers Workshop for some help.  Several people stepped up and offered to read the sample and give me their opinions.  It’s great to have a forum like that and I appreciate them all.

So far, the opinions run along these lines:

• Several people felt that they couldn’t connect with the main character until about the middle of the second chapter.  Not good.  One way to fix that would be to just move the beginning to that point, and I may still do that.  There are some things that I establish in that earlier chapter and a half that I’d like to keep, though, if I can.  So, I’m sweeping through trying for deeper immersion in the character.  (Sweeping may be too big a word.  It’s been almost a week and I’m still on Chapter Two.)  I’m also trying to tighten it as I go with a few judicious cuts.  I’ll go through the whole thing.  I actually think I get pretty good penetration into the character’s POV later.  This may be a failing of mine, that I take a chapter or two to really settle into the characters’ heads.  Something I should look out for and fix in second drafts.
• A couple of people didn’t like the abrupt introduction to Chimeria.  I’ll pause there for a paragraph to introduce the differences between our world and the magical realm.
• Some people found the exposition of the premise, which I tried to weave into the story, confusing.  People expect certain things when they see werewolves, unicorns, and dragons.  I’ve consciously stepped a little outside what’s expected.  But I may not have made that easy enough to follow at the beginning.  I think I can reorganize the way certain things are brought out that will hopefully make the whole premise more understandable.  And spend a few more words to help clarify.  Hopefully it’ll make it more interesting, too.
• It has been suggested that, with this complicated premise, this story might need a prologue.  I tried an ELANTRIS-style prologue (which you can find under Chimeria on the Worlds tab), but it just doesn’t work for me.  So, instead, I’ve tried writing an even earlier first chapter.  This chapter takes place at a very dramatic and important event that occurs twenty years before the rest of the novel–the murders of the main character’s family, witnessed by her as a five-year-old.  I’ll have to see how that works.

All of this, of course, is taking me away from new writing on MAGE STORM.  Well, the new first chapter counts as new writing, too.